23: Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides
Starring: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane, Sam Claflin
Written by: Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio
Directed by: Rob Marshall

The plot: “Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp) crosses paths with a woman from his past (Cruz), and he’s not sure if it’s love — or if she’s a ruthless con artist who’s using him to find the fabled Fountain of Youth. When she forces him aboard the Queen Anne’s Revenge, the ship of the formidable pirate Blackbeard (McShane), Jack finds himself on an unexpected adventure in which he doesn’t know who to fear more: Blackbeard or the woman from his past.” – Walt Disney Pictures

My thoughts: Guh. Everyone told me that this was better than the third one. Better? No. Different? Yes. But in all honesty, it was a different kind of bad.

I was so, so bored while watching this movie. And let me be honest and say that I snuck in to see this movie at about 3 in the afternoon. It was slow and contrived and a little confusing and just tiresome. It’s the same plot over and over and it’s gotten extremely stale. Again – Captain Jack must exceed all odds to get some form of “treasure” whatever it may be. In this case, it’s the Fountain of Youth.

The mermaids were such a cheap play. It was built up as though they would be an integral part in the plot and they were on screen for a whole 10 minutes. And to be honest, all I saw was anti-feminist bullshit. The women in this movie (that would be Cruz and the mermaids (of which only one has a name)) are depicted as being evil temptresses who manipulate men by using their feminine wiles and sexuality. Sure, Cruz’s character is an empowered pirate, but it’s cancelled out when we see that she’s self-involved and will do anything to get what she wants. Excellent portrayal of women, Disney. Constantly damsels in distress or guilty of the worst sins.

Stars: 0/5 (nothing about this was memorable or redeemable)

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