41: Fast Five

Fast Five – April 29, 2011
Starring: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Jordana Brewster, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Tyrese Gibson
Written by: Chris Morgan
Directd by: Justin Lin

The plot: “Dominic and his crew find themselves on the wrong side of the law once again as they try to switch lanes between a ruthless drug lord and a relentless federal agent.” – IMDB

My thoughts: I am pissed that I didn’t see this in theaters. For some reason, no one I know seemed especially keen to shell out the money to see this on the big screen. About that, I am completely mystified.

This movie was good. I was expecting another installment of Fast Cars ‘n Big Tits, but to my surprise, the movie had plot and dare I say it, substance. I mean, Mia is pregnant so family actually plays a big role in the movie. And not the Godfather kind, like “That’s my family! I’m going to kill you during this race we’re having in the streets of Rio!” but the kind where they decided they’d stick together rather than split up. And people were forgiven because family is…family. Okay, enough of that. Let’s get to the good shit.

The Rock. Let me just say, if The Rock is in any movie, I want to see that movie. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him bulkier or more juiced up than in this movie. Playing some crazy agent named Hobbs, he delivered one of the best bits of dialogue in the entire movie. Let me give you a quick rundown (get it, Rundown? Because he was in a movie called The…nevermind).

Hobbs: Blah blah blah, never let these people get in cars.
Menial police officer: What can we do to help?
Hobbs: I need two things. One, get me a translator. I want this girl. I like her smile (but really there’s a real reason I want her but I can’t say that in front of you. But hey, she is hot.)
Menial police officer: What’s the second thing?
Hobbs: (stops and turns quickly, fixes the poor, tiny officer with a hard stare) Stay the FUCK outta my way.

Bam! I know you can smell what The Rock is cooking. No doubt about that.

The opening shot of the movie is a bus transporting prisoners to a jail. We see good ol’ Dom (Diesel) in an orange jumpsuit, chillin’ in his seat. We see the bus fading away down the highway and everyone knows we’re about to see some fast cars pull some awesome shit to bust Dom out of that bus.

And we do. Three cars (two driven by Walker’s O’Conner and Brewster’s Mia and a third driver who we never see nor hear mention of) manage to get the bus to do a cannon roll down the abandoned stretch of highway.

Predictable? Yes. Awesome? Hell yes.

And then they manage to top that! I’ll give a quick summary and say that they’re stealing cars from a moving train in the desert. I’ve embedded a tiny clip below. The entire scene is great.

Typically, this series is all about cars and earning/losing badass status, but Fast Five also included a heist. And if you’ve read this blog, you know I love me some heist movies. I’m sure most people wouldn’t be as positive about this movie, but I loved it. I’m going to give it a perfect score because it exceeded my expectations, people were hot, the stunts were awesome, and the plot was actually good.

So yeah, Fast Five gets five out of five stars. And the best news is, The Fast and the Furious 6 is happening. Vin, Jordana and the Rock will be back. Michelle Rodriguez is rumored to be back and the best rumor of all? My One True God, JASON STATHAM.

Stars: 5/5

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