91: This Means War (oy vey)

This Means War – February 17, 2012
Starring: Tom Hardy, Chris Pine, Reese Witherspoon, Chelsea Handler
Written by: Timothy Dowling, Simon Kinberg
Directed by: McG

The plot: “Two top CIA operatives wage an epic battle against one another after they discover they are dating the same woman.” – IMDB

My thoughts: For as much as I generally enjoy the three stars of this movie, God was it a bore. Predictable, slightly misogynistic, verging on being offensive and inappropriate. And I know, what fun am I? It’s just a movie! But why do movies get a free pass to be so…awful?

I get it, it’s all about a girl trying to figure out which guy she wants and which is better for her. Meanwhile, the two friends have to love the girl to grow and change. Tale as old as time. And I get it, they’re spies so of course there are going to be spy jokes which just end up being doorways to saying “Ooh, look at two hot guys stalk the girl they like. It’s fine because they’re spies!” but on some level, it’s weird. Sometimes, the level of absurdity doesn’t help out what’s actually happening.

I won’t analyze it in terms of gender roles, it’s not that kind of movie (but honestly, watch it and check out how masculinity vs femininity is played out. Come on Hollywood, why must you keep perpetuating these stereotypes?)

It was rarely funny, the action sequences were so-so, and I didn’t feel a connection to any of the characters. I also feel extremely dissatisfied with the ending. Tuck didn’t really get what he wanted meanwhile FDR (which, let me state for the record that if I met a guy who went by the name FDR, I would either a.) tell him to fuck off or b.) demand he give me a real name. His real name is Franklin. What’s so terrible about that or Frank? What kind of douchebag goes by all three of his initials which just so happen to be the monniker of a famous U.S. President?) was like “check out how charming I am. Now that I’ve met this one single girl who doesn’t crumble on our first meeting (but the second meeting, yes) I guess I’m over my womanizing ways!”

Guh, I just felt so bored during this movie. The acting was fine – I think Reese is cute and Tom and Chris made for a cute spy/best friend team. Chelsea Handler was…Chelsea Handler. And that’s it. So lackluster. The plot was, for all intents and purposes, boring and overused.

*

P.S. What the hell was Angela Bassett doing in this movie? Girl, you were nominated for an Oscar.

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