96: Prometheus (and Bob. KABLAM! baby!)

Prometheus – June 8, 2012
Starring: A lot of people
Written by: Jon Spaihts, Damon Lindelof
Directed by: Ridley Scott

The plot: “A team of explorers discover a clue to the origins of mankind on Earth, leading them on a journey to the darkest corners of the universe. There, they must fight a terrifying battle to save the future of the human race.” – IMDB

[edit]: Yikes! Should’ve posted this a few weeks ago but completely forgot I had it here all ready to go.

My thoughts: I feel so torn about this movie. First off, I feel like I waited years and years to see it. There was so much build up and mystery surrounding it. Mostly “What is that HUGE face thing?!” but all the same, it looked cool in the trailer.

And it looked cool in the theater! Sometimes, I feel jealous that people 20 years older than I am got to see Blade Runner in theaters. For some reason, people always remember sci-fi movies in the theater – maybe because it isn’t a leader in box offices so they’re always memorable? All the same, I was so glad to see Prometheus on a huge screen because it was visually awesome. No doubt about that.

The acting was…okay. Fassbender was excellent doing a weird robot/David Bowie hybrid. And everyone else was just okay. It was weird seeing Trey from The O.C. on a big screen in a Ridley Scott blockbuster. Idris Elba, cool as always, and Charlize Theron just being stoney faced and a boss.

So those were the good parts. And now on to the bad: holes galore! And I don’t mean anything sexy by that. I know everyone is like, “But it’s Damon Lindelof! Of course he’s going to leave you with questions, what’d you expect?” Well, I certainly didn’t expect a movie that appeared to have been written by geeky nine-year-olds who kept shouting over one another saying “Oh! And then what if there was like, goo!” and “Yeah, and like, that’s who Charlize really is!”

PREPARE THYSELF FOR ALL THE SPOILERS

So, Red Letter Media made a fantastic video of things that just didn’t make a lick of sense in Prometheus. I’m going to point out some of the questions I had and expand a bit. Now, prepare yourself for fun.

Why did Holloway assume that the air was okay to breathe in? This bugged me so much. I’m sorry, but if you’re a scientist, wouldn’t it cross your mind that while the air reads as being breathable for humans, it doesn’t rule out the fact that there might be some toxic alien chemical make-up shit in the air that humans don’t even know exists? Wouldn’t the first thought be to run some tests? Or, oh, I don’t know, just play it safe and not breathe in alien air?

What was the point in the reveal of Weyland being Charlize’s father? Because it was completely irrelevant and added nothing to the plot or personality and really, wasn’t even a huge surprise. Which is odd, because the way they revealed it, (with the whole “Hello…FATHER.“) I felt like I should have gasped and yet I felt nothing. Though I did find myself entranced by Charlize’s silky smooth hair and diamond cutting cheekbones.

What was with Weyland being alive and then dead? He could’ve been alive and with them and just said “I’d also like to meet the people who made me. Sound good?” and everyone probably would’ve been like “Yeah, dude, the more the merrier!” But then also, some people were like “Oh shit! You’re alive Weyland!” and others were like “Oh, hey Weyland. How’s it going?”

Why did Noomi and Charlize run in a straight fucking line while a round spaceship rolled toward them? This was actually somehow my biggest complaint. If something is rolling at you, wouldn’t your first reaction be not just to run away, but to disperse to the sides? Because then you could just sort of move out of the way and let it roll right past you and everything would be hunky-dory. Some scientists and astronauts (or whatever).

So…I don’t know. Visually, this movie gets a five. It gave me a lot of Event Horizon vibes (which isn’t a bad thing!) In regard to plot, I don’t even know. I don’t understand what point it was trying to make or what the twist really was or if it was really supposed to be a prequel or maybe just Ridley Scott saying “Hey, kids, I made another movie about aliens a few decades ago. Check it out!” I feel like at the end, the lasting question was “See? Get it?” and my response is “No. I don’t get it.”

**

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