Save the Date (2012)

savethedateFuck it, I’ll say it – I enjoy closure in movies. I like knowing what happens to characters after I’ve invested two hours getting to know them and their lives and all of that shit. I spent a fair amount of my waking hours learning about fictional people. I might have paid to do this. And you’re going to end a movie abruptly in the middle of a sentence?

NO! No you’re not. That is bullshit. You are not the Sopranos. The Sopranos didn’t even have a right! (Okay, I’ve never seen a single episode of that show but it seems pretty god damn ballsy to do that to people.)

And that is the gripe I had with Save the Date. It was a nice little movie, managing to be funny and a little sad at some points (perhaps a bit too much of a downer for me at some points) and the acting was quite good. But, as much as I love Marc Webber (and I love Marc Webber), I spent a little bit of the movie wondering if he was going to assault and/or kill Lizzy Caplan’s character. Anti-spoiler: he doesn’t do that.

I spent more time than I care to honestly admit wondering when Martin Starr grew into his looks, because he really looks kind of good now to the point that I would date the shit out of him. Well, I guess I don’t know his personality, so dating the shit out of him might be rushing things.

WAT?!

WAT?!

Again: how the fuck is this writer going to end a movie with one word at the beginning of a sentence and cut to black? I don’t want to “infer” what the character is doing next. I don’t want to leave it up to my own imagination. To me, that’s a cop-out. I just hate when writers say shit like, “Well, I certainly know where that character is going but I want to let the viewer draw their own conclusions.” Well fuck you! This is your job – you have created a story, I’ve arrived at the end of it so it must have been interesting in some way, and you’re not going to wrap it up?

I hope you get trapped on a mountain and an eagle swoops down, day in and day out, to peck you apart until you die of slow blood loss.

*** stars

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