Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Tonight was The Red Wedding on Game of Thrones and as someone who doesn’t read the books (yet), I was stunned to say the least. So, I thought to myself, “I’m trying to have my mind bent tonight.” And everyone says Sleepaway Camp is known for its twist ending. So, I decided to go for it.

15 minutes in and I don’t know what the fuck I’m watching. Dead parents, an open pedophile at a kid’s camp, a too-old camp counselor sporting the shortest, tightest shorts I’ve ever seen on a man…I am bemused to say the very least.

Some cult movies I see and I totally get why it’s a cult movie. Like Evil Dead. It’s over-the-top and it didn’t quite jive with a lot of people. But then there were quite a few people who quickly saw its merits. Sleepaway Camp…it could never be a cult movie for me but it was, well, interesting.

There’s an all-boys baseball game which is one of the most homoerotic sports scenes I’ve seen since Top Gun. And the fashions that these guys are sporting are odd, regardless of gender:

The baseball scene also contains one of the funnier exchanges in the movie:

Ricky: No problem, Gino. This guy blows dead dogs. Just lay it in there!
Bill: Eat shit and die, Ricky!
Ricky: Eat shit and live, Bill.

There’s also a point in the movie where Meg, one of the camp counselors (who can’t be older than 16) gets the night off, so she goes up to the head of the camp (Mel) who has to be at least 55 years old and this exchange happens:

Meg: Hey, guess who has the night off tonight?
Mel: Oh congratulations.
Meg: Listen, I was thinking. Remember that dinner you promised me? Up at your place?
Mel: Yeeeah. 9? 9:30?
Meg: You got it. See you then. (later, to her bunkmates) Got me a date tonight!

The ending was certainly a bit of a surprise and mildly disturbing. In a way, I suppose it’s essential viewing for horror buffs. It’s a movie that gets referenced a lot in the world of pop culture. But it isn’t a good movie by any means.

** stars

P.S. The whole movie is on YouTube so if you’re bored…

Dark Skies (2013)

Phew, it’s been a minute since I’ve written anything here. Sorry, I’ve been busy MOVING TO SEATTLE. Ahem, pardon me. Yelling my personal events is a real affliction.

I made the mistake of buying an IKEA lamp, which apparently takes the most difficult to find light bulbs in existence, so I’ve been in the dark in my bedroom for two nights now. Annoying, but also, perfect situation to watch a “scary” movie.

So, I watched Dark Skies and it was…not great with a hint of potential. I’ll be real, it does not take much in a horror movie to make me feel weird and paranoid and creeped out. I don’t think there are aliens in my closet waiting to terrorize me – but then again, that’s the set up for the movie so you never really know.

Simply put, Dark Skies is kind of just Paranormal Activity with aliens instead of demon things. Strange things start happening, stranger things keep happening, skepticism and reluctance to believe occur, and then BAM! everything comes to a head and we get a small moment of enlightenment.

For some reason, a person standing completely still and not reacting to you saying his/her name is one of the more horrific things to me. If that happened to me? If I had a spouse and I saw him standing in the yard at 3 AM and I was like, “Hey! Roberto! Roberto!” and he didn’t move a muscle or say anything? I would just yell, “FUCK YOU,” lock all of the doors, call my attorney in the middle of the night and tell him to start drawing up the papers so that I could divorce my sexy Italian husband. You know why? Because that shit. Ain’t. Right.

The movie has a kernel of depth. You’ve got all this alien shit going on and there are a fair number of alien-horror movie elements but at the same time, you’re watching the “perfect” American family breaking down before your eyes. A husband let go from his job, a wife trying to make up for that loss at her job, an angsty preteen, and a weird but nice little kid who, at first, seems to just really need therapy but ultimately, is being fucked with by aliens.

You see this husband and wife simultaneously doubting each other and needing to depend on each other. Physically, these aliens are doing some messed up shit. But at first, there are no aliens. There’s just this stuff going on and it’s putting a strain on the marriage and the family. At one point, Keri Russell contemplates if her no-name husband has been hitting their kids. She yells at him if he’s beaten their sons. That’s heavy. And the aliens’ fault.

Was this an intended thing? Witnessing how outside influences can affect a family? I have no idea. I didn’t make this movie. But it was an interesting aspect and I’d like to give someone the credit of creating this metaphor. And if someone hasn’t taken the credit yet, they should.

** stars (cool metaphor also, kind of scared me in spite of the cliched going-ons. Oh, and J.K. Simmons is in this.)

Evil Dead (2013)

Of course, I shelled out the money to see Evil Dead in the theater. I love horror movies and I love the original. C’mon son! There will be spoilers so read at your own risk. I’m not sure that there’s much to spoil ultimately – it’s a horror movie and a remake. I think most people can do the math.

Generally, the movie follows the same plot as Raimi’s version: five youths go to a dilapidated cabin and one of them unleashes an evil demon and hell (pretty much literally) ensues. Plenty of references to the original and of course, a chainsaw shows up along the way.

The bit that bothered me the most though is how these people came across the evil book. The opening scene shows a group of (weird looking) people persuading a father to burn and dismember his daughter who is a demon. And this book – there are warnings, things are scratched out so they can’t be read easily. It’s clear people do not want others to find it. This group takes care of business and we are transported probably less than five years into the future to our main cast.

They show up and encounter a terrible smell followed by a rug hiding a whole bunch of dried up blood. They go downstairs into the cellar and find a bunch of dead animals strung up and the book sitting there. But it’s bound intricately by wire and a bag.

Don’t worry guys – tree rape happens in this one, too.

BUT IT’S LEFT OUT IN THE OPEN. These people went through a fair amount of trouble to make sure no one opened the book (but come on, it literally just took wire cutters) but opted to leave it sitting out on a table rather than oh, I don’t know, burying it? Or throwing it in a river? Or tearing it up? Or anything? Obviously they knew that people would be returning – there are photographs all over the cabin and they carefully placed the rug over the trap door to prolong anyone finding the creepy sacrificial altar. They did about 90% of the work but apparently the last 10%, the important part, they were just like “Eh, I’m tired. Hope this family that appears to visit frequently never has to go into their own basement and if, god forbid, they do, I hope this wrapped up book doesn’t intrigue them so that they might open it.”

Moving on. The movie is gross, definitely. There is a lot of blood, some scenes that had me scrunching my face up and half covering my face. And that’s really about it in terms of “horror.” It isn’t particularly scary or terrifying (despite the poster boasting that it would be the most terrifying movie ever) but it is gory and gross and still manages to be a little campy. There isn’t a ton of humor but there are bits here and there to keep things a tiny bit light.

The thing that’s interesting about this movie is that the characters are at the cabin for a reason: one of the girls has a drug addiction she’s trying to kick. Of course, she’s the first one who sees demons and stuff and of course, everyone writes it off as her having a difficult detox.

What’s more interesting is if this movie is intended to be a metaphor. The girl is facing her demons – literally and figuratively. And her drug addiction is affecting those around her. Her attempt to kick the habit is tumultuous and makes her feel like she’s being torn apart. The girl goes through hell so that she may survive at the end.

The demon thing that shows up at the end is either played by the same actress or looks suspiciously like her (I couldn’t tell. It was raining blood all over). So when she defeats the demon thing, she is defeating herself, her dark side. Moreover, she does so by splitting the demon right down the middle. Perhaps a symbol of the real her and the addict her being split apart?

Or it’s just a movie and they were just trying to give the characters ~depth~.

Ultimately, it was enjoyable. I think I got a bit too excited and expected a bit too much but I still liked it. And it was interesting take on a classic. I don’t think it tarnished the original or sought to outshine Raimi’s version. It was it’s own thing.

*** stars (I took off some stars for it not being that scary and also because of a pretty shitty portrayal of women)